Time: 7/10/22-7/22/22, rest 7/23/22, active 7/24/22
PCs: Blair (Nightblade), Bigtoe the Wombat (Machinist), Benjamin (Assassin)
Hench: Johan (Fighter, Teutch)
Team B was back in action this week, tackling a potentially lucrative mission for Teutch the Alchemist (Patron) who was offering big bucks to kill some kobolds in order to befriend a large settlement of halflings nearby. Teutch provided Johan and some cav as escort and away they went.
The party traveled most of the way to the halfling/kobold hex before their first random encounter, the large cart that they brought to carry away all of the riches they were sure to find slowing their progress significantly. Around a bend in a small valley they saw a pleasant stand of trees, right at the end of the day after riding in the summer sun. It looked inviting to the troops, but the party noticed an unusual darkness about the place.
Suspicious of the darkness, the party listened carefully and heard a woman’s voice call for help. They crept a little forward, close enough for Benjamin to hear a spell being cast. They moved to engage right as the Lamia hidden in the trees cast Charm Person on Benjamin, who failed his saving throw and was convinced the half goat, half leathery skinned witch woman was his grandmother. Blair fired off an arrow and did a little damage, but the goatwitch looked pretty tough.
Benjamin ran forward to protect his grandmother, calling for everyone to stop! But Bigtoe tackled him to the ground to make way for Johan and the cavalry to engage. The cover from the trees broke the cavalry charge a little, but some amazing attack rolls made short work of her, and nothing was left but the looting.
The next day they arrived at Gamgee Shire, where Sheriff Samwise Gamgee (Teutch isn’t afraid of copyright laws) met with the party and discussed the conflict with the kobolds who had taken over and desecrated the halflings’ burial mound to the north. The Sheriff expressed frustration over the raiding and offense, but the halfling community was not one of warriors and he was not interested in a frontal assault that would cost many lives.
The party convinced him to lend a single platoon of halflings to whatever plan they could come up with to drive off the kobolds. The party tried to enlist Johan, but he insisted that his job was only to escort to and from the hex. They sweetened the deal with a little of that Lamia gold and he was on board, but only in skirmishing actions. He was not going to throw his men at a fortified position. With assistance secured, Team B was off to scout the burial mound.
They found the kobolds sprawling over the burial mounds, which were too small to house all of the little ratmen. Due to Teutch’s previous scouting they knew roughly how many warriors, but kobolds are prolific fornicators. There were hundreds of non-combatant females and young. The party identified the near-stagnant pond that the kobolds were using as a water supply and the small crevasse that they used as a latrine. They also identified the 4 giant boars the kobolds kept, massive creatures that they were sure were the toughest things on the field.
They retired to plan, tossing around various ideas until Blair floated the idea of poisoning the water supply. Turns out the Shire actually had a little Giant Centipede poison, but not nearly enough to make an impact on the pond. They convinced the Sheriff to donate the poison, aiming to maybe take out the boars with it. The decision to put shit, literal actual fecal matter, in the pond changed the game.
Webster defines dysentery as “1: a disease characterized by severe diarrhea with passage of mucus and blood and usually caused by infection”. This was the weapon of choice for Team B. They first thought to somehow mine the kobolds’ latrine and poison them with their own poop, but this plan was considered too risky. Instead they got buckets from the halflings and just used a day’s worth of Elevensies turds as ammunition.
Under the cover of night, the party eliminated the few guards on the pond and then formed a bucket brigade to deliver their payload with assistance from their halfling platoon. They hid the bodies in the pond, did their best to cover their tracks, and left to wait out the results.
Scouting the next day revealed that the kobolds were investigating the tracks and missing guards, but not really sure about the water. A frustrated sub-chief eventually got tired of arguing with the civilians, threw his hands up, and left, wherein the thirsty kobolds scooped water into their pails and only occasionally had to fish out a turd.
The next day found the kobolds showing early signs of stress from water shortage and contamination, but nothing extreme. Their warriors were on alert but given their chaotic camp they were nearly impossible to count at a distance, so the party wasn’t sure if they had warbands out or not and didn’t risk getting closer to scout. But they did sneak in to deliver poisoned meat to the boars, which succeeded in killing one outright and incapacitating another.
On the third day, the kobold camp was rife with disease, kobolds strong enough to stand running for the latrines and only occasionally making it in time. They appeared to be packing to abandon the mound. Even a few of the boars were ill, leaving only one remaining healthy. The kobolds were significantly weakened so this is when the party risked showing themselves. They rushed forward with their halflings and pelted the surviving boar with slings, then retreated, causing panic in the kobolds, who began to rally their warriors to respond.
The kobold chieftain, with his scepter made of the First Sheriff’s Skull, rallied his troops, a miraculous maximum morale check (VICTORY OR DEATH!!), and stormed off to kill all of the halflings. But disorganization kept them from engaging before the halflings got back to their fortified Shire. They marched on the Shire and were defeated easily at the earthen ramparts around the place, the halfling defenders holding them off and Johan’s cavalry sweeping them up with no losses by the defending troops. The party rushed back to the mound to loot, catching the convoy of fleeing non-combatants in the rear and scattering them.
The Sheriff insisted on recovering the bones of his ancestors that the kobolds used as trophies and marks of office, but upon request wrote the party a note verifying the victory over the kobolds and killing of the chief and sub-chiefs. The party left in good spirits and made it to Teutch’s Purple Tower uneventfully.
Musings:
Kobolds are stupid. I’m not sure if they’re as stupid as this session showed, but they were crippled by indecision which cost them time, then their lives. Had they been able to find another water source they could have secured it, or moved, or whatever, but they just couldn’t hit a roll.
Johan and the cavalry came in clutch against the Lamia. Otherwise, folks were dying. Those weird centaur witch things are absolutely no joke. It’s wild how close to the edge things get. It’s also really interesting to have patrons just hand out information. “I found this thing I don’t wanna deal with. This is what it looks like, this is what’s there.” Pretty interesting to literally just judge the outcomes as they come up.
First taste of using military strength to defeat obstacles. The party got to see how the splits work with spoils of war and such. Could see the wheels turning for when they can have their own troops.
XP From Lamia: 2500
Cuts: 4 total
Share: 0%: 625 5%: 656 10%: 688
XP from Kills: 610
XP from Treasure: 6711
Total XP Pool: 7321
Cuts: 6 total with PCs receiving 2 each.
PC Share: 0%: 2440 5%: 2562 10%: 2684
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