Zoos are Evil

Volnir the Skald's retelling around the crackling fire at a nameless drinking hole in Horizon:

It is our duty to honor the gods. I revere the Lawful pantheon, as all men should, and avoid the others, as wise men should. Only a fool antagonizes any of the gods without the power to back it up. So anyway, I joined the Holy Rollers as they sought to investigate The Order of the Enchanted Liopleurodon, a cult of liberal arts majors with pool noodles on their heads and strange notions of how much a mythical dinosaur cares about their devotions.

It was good fortune that brought us together. I was curious about this cult and encountered Fr. Cassian, Zimon, and June at the same festival. The solstice is a holy time for many of the gods, our blessed Pelor chief among them, and apparently this cult was aping that same behavior. One might consider it offensive to draw attention away from the true gods on the holiest of days, but I will leave that consideration to the holy men.

The veteran adventurers seemed convinced of the cult's evil nature, implying child abduction and worse, based on their experience with the Candy Mountain atrocity. Despite many attempts to uncover some hidden plot or machinations, they were eventually forced to admit that while goofy and misguided, the cult did not seem to display any overtly Chaotic tendencies. The most evil parts of the event were the unnatural performances the ensorcelled aquatic creatures were forced to give and the brainwashing of Zimon's hirelings that caused them to mutilate themselves in their fervor.

Fr. Cassian was disapproving enough for everyone and declared the cult anathema to his doctrine. I stuck by him as we left so as not to catch a stray excommunication. Zimon, on the other hand, swam out to speak with the magical dinosaur. Now, one does not simply call a hero of Zimon's stature a liar, so I listened with interest as he recounted that the creature did not seem to care about the cult's activities, held no interest in Law vs. Chaos, and indeed claimed to predate such things which of course is false as what could predate the Cosmic War? It was a wild tale nonetheless and I will learn from Zimon's flair for the theatrical.

Equipped with free merchandise like shirts and a foam octopus tentacle that June was waving energetically around, we set out to destroy evil. Now this is what I was hoping to witness, the famous party clashing against the wilds and imposing civilization on land lost to time. The hero Percival was not in attendance but I was assured that he was simply tending to matters of state as Lord of Horizon. What a great Lord we have here in Horizon, eh folks? Just the best.

Zimon on his fabled steed Springer scouted overhead, the horse's hooves clopping through the air as though on cobblestones. I hustled along in the wake of the mounted party, even their lowliest henchman on a steed of the finest birth. Oh, wait, no. I was now their lowliest henchman. But fret not, my time to display my value was at hand and I would earn my keep. And a horse!

Corpses, animated by foul magicks and stinking of the grave, sprang from the bushes nearby and attacked. Our first blows and arrows had no effect, their flesh protected from such mundane efforts, but Fr. Cassian employed a power above such petty concerns. With a bellowed command, half of the monsters' force fled, unable to withstand Pelor's holy light.

With my incredibly accurate crossbow fire rendered useless by their heinous unnature, I drew June's magical short sword from her belt and charged, joining the melee and striking down first one then another of the wights. Zimon and the rest made quick work of the rest and I returned the borrowed blade with shaking hands. I was truly a member of the party now, tested in combat and shamed only by the plainness of my armament.

The fantastic nature of adventure would rear its head repeatedly, our next encounter that of an aerie of the fabled Pegasus, beautiful, winged horses, majestic and exemplifying Law. The party's standard practice of destroying everything in their path was unacceptable here, and Fr. Cassian suggested we leave the creatures until we had the means to communicate with them. What wonders of the world, when you can speak with magic horses?

We camped beneath the branches of a massive tree, serene and tranquil under its canopy, and came to believe that it too was a fantastic creature of the woodlands. Again, Fr. Cassian kept us from anything rash and suggested we find a way to communicate with it at a later date.

Our continued travels brought us to an elven monastery, their strange symbolic script written over many of the walls and columns within. It was a formidable structure at one point, beautiful and impressive, but had fallen into such ruin as to be lost. My eyes could not have seen Fr. Cassian lick the wall thick with verdigris, that would simply be beneath one of such stature, but however it happened a magical secret door was revealed by a glistening, glowing outline on a nearby wall. I volunteered to strike a torch and descend the stairs beyond, discovering a storeroom of rusted and rotted remains of weapons, provisions, and the like. Tucked away in the debris was a shining steel and silver mace. I recovered it and passed it off to Fr. Cassian.

We left the monastery behind and headed for home. The field of floating blossoms nearby was declared a valuable magical component so we spent some time gathering as much of them as we could. I struggled to keep pace with the mounted group and hoped that my share of whatever we could get for the blossoms at market would get me a horse and a massage for my aching back.

And that's where you find me, friends, here with you now in our holy home. For another drink, I'll tell you of the wonders of...

Bloodfall 15

 

Grading:

• Cathbad: Excellent. Spells to aid scouting, cleared abomination from nature.
• Kirk: Excellent. Honor to the gods, combat medic, spell use
• Lars: Excellent. Risky scouting, saved lives by preventing surprise, good use of skills
• Dinklage: Excellent. Risky scouting, good use of skills, chasing hooks
• Pius: Excellent. Honor to the gods, spell use
• Broderick: Excellent. Bold, caller, thwarted evil
• Gunnbjorn: Excellent. Bold, leader of men
• Thorgal: Excellent. Bold, stood on honor

Combat
Total XP:	1020
Cuts:	14
PC:	145.71
Hench:	72.86

Bloodfall 14

 

Grading:

• Dinklage: Excellent. Scout, thief skills, dangerously curious
• Thorgal: Excellent. Scout, track, combat effective, caller
• Raylan: Excellent. Scout, track, combat effective
• Bud: Excellent. Scout, track, combat effective
• Kirk: Excellent. Sacrifice, heal, combat medic
• Gunnbjorn: Excellent. Frontline, combat effective
• Magnus: Excellent. Bold unarmored charge of trolls
• Broderick: Excellent. Bold, frontline, caller
• Ojisan: Excellent. Creative, cautious

Combat
Total XP:	8606
Cuts:	18
PC:	956.22
Hench:	478.11

Betrayal

It is with regret that I report an abject failure on behalf of my party, the Holy Rollers. Not only has their betrayal shown their weakness of character but also my ineffective leadership. It will take time to right this ship but such are the trials set in our path. It is through the crucible of life that we become harder, better, faster, stronger, more able to endure the pain of existence and ready ourselves for the after. I pray for the Light to guide us through the darkness ahead.

The new Scarlet Brotherhood converts were true to their word, working diligently to smuggle handfuls of slaves out of Port Julio in exchange for the fabulous gem in their possession. Unfortunately, we had many many handfuls of slaves to rescue and the longer we waited, the better the chance of interference from the locals. We sent pleas for aid out to our allies, receiving responses from the heretic BalaSoto in Bastia, Sheriff Kai Lan of Bonevale, and the smuggler Bandit.

BalaSoto volunteered to help us and sent ships immediately, Pelor bless him. Kai Lan refused aid citing concerns over starting a war, unsurprising that an uncivilized elf did not have the fortitude to do what is right. Bandit sold us berths on Cledus Snow's strange motorized sailing ship. Between them, we were able to much more rapidly account for the high head count and get underway.

The ghost ship The Shadow harried us as we sailed, heralded by the supernatural mists that roil in its proximity. It chased us and the much slower ships of BalaSoto's until I began to formulate plans on how to challenge it. By all accounts a futile effort but standing idly by was not an option. We hatched a scheme to draw it away from the slower ships and hope we could outrun it. Bandit reported "Smokey" up ahead, by which he meant the pirates that pass for the law in Monmurg, and we hoped to lure the two antagonist forces together and escape in the chaos.

After a daring bit of seamanship from Bandit and Snowman, our plan worked and The Shadow did indeed become satiated by the destruction of the two Monmurgian ships. Good riddance to them all. 

Some of the devout followers of Procan in the crews insisted that we stop to give offerings at a colossal statue in the middle of the ocean in thanks. I was glad to allow them to recognize a legitimate member of the pantheon when we were so often confronted with heretical petty "gods" during our adventures.

The rest of our travel was swift and uneventful, which the crews attributed to Procan whose domain is the sea, after all. That is all well and good but of course I know all thanks belong to Pelor. Kai Lan did not want the slaves moved through his village so we relied on the smugglers' knowledge of the coastline and they came through with a little cove sufficient for our needs. Coincidentally, it was the same location at which we were duped by the seamonster during the Candy Mountain fiasco. Zimon looked fiercely around for the creature but could not find it.

A short march saw us arrive in Horizon and I set my right hand Abraham to organizing the settlement of the new residents. Meanwhile, we needed to inform Danconia the Khajit that we were not going to sell him the gem that we recovered after all. It was clearly sent to me by Pelor to aid in his glorification and would be used as such. As soon as I could figure out how.

There was some complaining from June and Zimon, distasteful greediness that I attempted to sate with a frankly absurd offer to buy out their interests in the gem. They declined under veiled accusations of it being "cursed" and needing to "get rid of it", but I could see through the subterfuge. They simply wanted it for themselves. Danconia accepted my decision to keep my gem but demanded that I supply the gem's name. An absurd mockery from a skooma-addled up-jumped peddler.

We retired to our tree-top villa and rested after our long travel, the others' slitted, covetous eyes bothering me enough that I sought seclusion in my chamber. I awoke in the early morning hours and reacted to imminent danger, throwing my pillow in my place and drawing my sword from concealment. Finely honed adventurer's instincts saved me from being murdered in my sleep by a magically silent and concealed figure, hard to see in the darkness, creeping up to my bed.

I charged it, bellowing for the guards, and struck a mighty blow only to find that it was Zimon the bounty hunter, my friend! Betrayal! I was both angry and disappointed, but above all, cautious, as he is a capable warrior in his own right and had the upper hand what with me in my underwear and all. When June the Heathen rushed in to join the combat I knew the treachery was deadly serious. She grasped at me to take the gem and in the scuffle I sought escape through the only exit available to me. I dove out the window, the savage little fighter clinging to me and clawing greedily at the gem, and we both dropped the long way to the ground.

Stunned and bloodied the both us, she recovered first and struck out with her sword. When I awoke I was in chains and the thieves had handed over the gem to Danconia the Khajit, piss on his monstrous form, to get their blood money. Kai Lan arrived and correctly acknowledged that I was the wronged party. In my anger I demanded trial by combat, but settled for release to Horizon considering that I could not trust either of them to abide by any rightful laws of men.

I arrived to find an unusual welcome orchestrated by the magician Boblin, a choreographed dance routine by dozens of townsfolk. Clearly a distraction, I had him removed from my presence and retired to my quarters. Zimon and June both have contributed to the restoration of the fortress at Horizon and I have not yet decided upon an ultimate course of action. Until then, I have banned them from the headquarters and my immediate vicinity. I will focus on administering my rapidly growing domain and pray for guidance on how to heal from this betrayal.

Yours with heavy heart,

Knight Paladin Percival
Lord of Horizon

Bloodfall 13

We have entered an era of truly shared action in a condensed region among different parties. In order to preserve the fog of war, session reports will be limited to class grading and xp. Those who know will know, those who don't, shan't.

Grading:

Gunnbjorn: Excellent. Organized his men, paid a premium for extra help, set security.

Kirk: Superior. Ignoring a fallen ally to finish the fight is more warrior coded than priest. It's borderline but in the Norse milieu we've got to draw a distinction or everyone just ends up a flavored fighter. Guinea-pigging Riddle on the fountain was more my fault in describing meta results. Justifiable in character, no hit.

Broderick: Excellent. Driven to seek out the source of the evil.

Raylan: Excellent. Scouted, pathfound, tracked.

Riddle: Excellent. Baaaah.

Combat
Total XP:	460
Cuts:	12
PC:	76.67
Hench:	38.33

Redemption of the Scarlet Brotherhood

Knight Captain Dawes will note my unease in the following report. Our experience with alternating time-lines or dimensions or however Sanji might define it does not appear to be localized, affecting even the great factions of the Oerth.

Father Cassian saw to each of us over the weeks since our last adventure, restoring our missing kidneys through the loving light and healing rays of Pelor. Those of us strong in Pelor's favor recovered as good as or better than before. June the Heathen suffered a mild rebuke by the Sunlord, almost certainly a result of her continued denial of his power.

We had several items on the docket for this adventure but chose to investigate the missing gem for the khajit Danconia. It offered a significant reward and was the most interesting to our adventurous natures. Rumor had it that a red-robed individual had recovered a gem of some sort from the mine and was lording it over the slaves-turned-miners, who had revolted against their masters and barricaded themselves within the facility. This immediately smacked of the Scarlet Brotherhood to me, who we had a brief and bloody encounter with in the streets of Bonevale so long ago.

The injustices perpetrated by that foul organization over the last few decades are well-documented and I will not rehash them here. Suffice it to say I was eager to retrieve the gem while also striking a blow against evil. We booked passage immediately to Monmurg, with our final destination of Port Julio further south.

The ghost vessel The Shadow was active in the area, terrorizing the shipping lanes all along the coast and raising prices of any passage booked to exorbitant levels. We encountered a strange mist before our arrival to Monmurg but the captain of our ship was able to evade it. I circulated among the shaken men of the vessel's crew to raise their spirits, with a few of them converting on the spot. Pelor's light will shine in the darkest of places and show you the way, if you will only let it.

Zimon hired these converts on as informants with the intent to keep abreast of the events along the coast. With The Shadow active, local captains were being overly cautious so we put the word out to our prior associate Bandit to get us quickly south. It would be some days before we expected a response. I suggested to our group that we keep a low profile in the known pirate den of Monmurg to mixed results.

We did some shopping and otherwise stayed to our inn. One evening, a group of city watchmen barged into the common room obviously in search of someone. We maintained our calm and evidently were not the target of their investigation as they gathered themselves to leave. Zimon chose to put his new informants on the case to figure out what they were looking for. One of them caught the ire of the patrol and was taken out to the alley and beaten by the corrupt lawmen. 

Zimon intervened and being a puissant warrior drubbed the entire squad single-handedly. For reasons unknown to anyone but the bounty hunter, he tied each man's wrists to his dropped trousers and pinned a message on their corporal warning them to see to their corruption under the light of Pelor. When he informed us of this, I knew we were likely to catch suspicion considering both Fr. Cassian's and my attire. I suggested to Zimon to take his people and find a bolt hole until we could get out on a ship and waited for the inevitable return of the city watch.

Their captain barged in, surveyed the room, and chose the weakest of us to harass in Gaia the elf. Immediately showing himself a coward, he proceeded to bully and insult our weird little Spellsword, who made matters worse with his peculiar way of speaking. Fr. Cassian should be proud to note that I did not immediately relieve the captain of his duty, and head, and instead persuaded the corrupt officer that we were not responsible for his squad's assault, which the victims confirmed. A bit of coin spent to make him go away and a prayer said for Zimon's ability to lay low and we were clear of that unpleasantness.

The Bandit arrived and agreed to carry us on his strangely equipped ship. We departed at dusk, Zimon's people hustling up the gangway as we readied to depart. I am told that we passed a fishing vessel as we were outrunning yet another instance of strange mist. Charlie the Explorer witnessed The Shadow overtake and destroy the vessel despite his attempts to warn them. The Bandit was noncommittal and the rest of us were asleep.

Port Julio was a squat, shell-brick fort with a shanty town huddled in its shadow. It was not difficult to learn about Bob the Red-robed and his slave revolt at the local copper mine. He was trading for food and equipment at advantageous rates that merchants were eager to take advantage of. Both Port Julio and the inland stronghold of Hokar were claiming the mine, and apparently this tension was delaying any actual action. Naturally we sped off to investigate.

Negotiations with Bob went well, eventually coming to the agreement that we would try to smuggle his several hundred escaped slaves out of the region in exchange for the gem that we sought. I demanded to see the gem when he simply offered a drawing of it. I am no fool. It is a sight to behold, a most glorious specimen of its kind, and it act as a symbol to bolster my armies to victory over evil in the battles to come.

Invigorated, I questioned Bob about his affiliation with the Scarlet Brotherhood after Gaia confirmed the cut of his robes signified a middling rank in the organization. He gave a queer story about the entire organization losing focus some time ago, apparently around the time that the dimensional oddities began. The local cell had taken it upon themselves to free the slaves of the region and were instigating uprisings wherever possible. Sowing chaos among Chaos made me laugh.

I asked of Fr. Cassian what the Church had to say about redemption and was assured that the healing light of Pelor shines brightest on those in need. I suggested to Bob that instead of taking noble actions under the guise of a known, heinous organization that he do so under the faith. Such was the passion of my appeal that he immediately tore off his robes and was converted by Fr. Cassian on the spot.

We retired towards Port Julio to attack the logistical problem of smuggling so many people out of a small port while Bob stayed to hold down the fort, so to speak. We encountered another band of freed slaves and directed them to Bob. A third band of freed slaves, led by Bill in Red, converted to our cause. The power of Pelor's word was amplified by the prospect of my new gem and truly shone on us, as Bill happened to have smuggling contacts in town. He went to work immediately upon our arrival, where we remain to help facilitate the transport.

Yours under Pelor's shining gaze,

Knight Justicar Percival, Lord of Horizon
Port Julio

Bloodfall 12

The party rebooted this week with mostly new PCs since the majority of their primary team was down with training or absent. There was a push to get back into the dungeon after all the high stakes shenanigans and everyone agreed, so off they went.

Kirk of Forseti was the only legacy PC involved and they ran on his memory of things. An illusory 30' lava pit caused the first death of the night, Arthur the Mage testing the fake bridge and falling to his death. Huldu pulled his corpse out and they burned him before moving on over a sekrit hidden ledge.

In a twisting, winding hallway Kirk decided to double back and search a wall. He had some logic I don't recall. A small compartment was found that held a wooden box covered in some synthetic, weird leather-like material. It rattled when they shook it. They didn't open it.

A magical handprint in the wall of one room teleported them back and forth from a chamber somewhere else in the dungeon. They opted to stay on the original side and keep exploring, Tonga's brother Loa appearing next to them during the teleportation. A hidden lever raised a portcullis which they spiked shut to disable.

A huge mural depicting an epic fight with a dragon dominated one wall of the next chamber. When they got close enough to inspect it, the dragon leapt out of the wall and attacked. The viking warrior fell flat to the ground, his fancy broadsword clattering nearby. Wooderson grabbed up the fallen sword and the rest did battle, learning quickly that it was only harmed by magical weapons. Between the found gear and what they already had, they were able to get it done, but not before Huldu was brained by the stony claws.

They shared out the clearly magical items and carried on, walking into an ambush laid by a couple bugbears due to the noise of the previous fight. Kirk fell, but wasn't killed, and the party overcame the enemy through magic and sheer will. They investigated the bugbear campsite and found a chest trapped with a magical flamethrower. Attempts to disarm it resulted it in being perpetually on, blasting the chest with flames. Having had enough of this place for the day and acquiring what appeared to be the rumored dragonslaying sword, they pulled out.

Some appraisal of the gems in the little box yielded a tidy sum. Jarl Fost paid them for recovering Istand the Dragonslaying broadsword with the understanding it was to be employed by one of their stoutest warriors against the white dragons. I left them to do treasure splits because there is nothing more boring and tedious than splitting treasure when it doesn't concern you.

Musings:

A bit of get along gang this session with Kirk pushing to have Istand the Dragonslayer given to their legacy party. To be clear, idgaf about any of that. Players do what players want I just run the results. Just interesting we had a back-stabby crab bucket session not too long ago. These boys keep it fresh.

There was a question about how much of their session was decided by 2d6. The existence of the little box was the only thing in the dungeon I used it for. The likelihood of Fost offering some kind of reward for the sword was the other, back in town. The rest of the session was pre-existing shenanigans.

Training costs what it costs. If a discount is offered as some kind of reward or negotiation, I assume the trainer is paying the difference themselves. If PCs train other PCs, there is no profit to be made and discounting would be a kind gesture indeed. The advantage to PCs training other PCs is when there are no other trainers available.

There's a bit about bonus languages needing to be learned during play, but the timeline to do so is longer than gameable. Some DMs allow those bonus languages to be chosen at character generation. Some would sperg out about RAW. Bloodfall compromises in that a new language can be chosen like a new weapon proficiency at level-up, from the languages known by available sources. Register your complaints with HR.

Grading:

- Kirk: Excellent, drove the action as public servant of Bloodfall
- Huldu: Deceased, RIP
- Ojisan: Excellent, utilized magic where able, offered advice and light from the safety of the rear
- Tonga: Excellent, curious about the weird stuff, fumbled at trap stuff
- Arthur: Deceased, RIP.
- Loa: Excellent, curious about the weird stuff, fumbled at trap stuff
- Wooderson: Excellent, held the line
- Ormr: Excellent, held the line

Combat
Total XP:	676
Cuts:	12
PC:	112.67