This past weekend I participated in an expertly established and run Braunstein event titled SPACESTEIN. Joshinyu put it on for an overzealously recruited pool of like 20 players, nearly all of whom I've seen express their joy, satisfaction, or anger over the events within. For a parlor game of dinner theater, it was a smashing success.
I've made no secret that I'm not a Braunstein guy. I do not think that it's the end-all missing link ur-game of RPGs, but I do respect it as a tool to resolve certain scenarios in an interesting and fun way and appreciate the energy and enthusiasm of its champions like Jeffro, Bdubs, Crom, et al.
All that being said, dinner theater can be fun, especially as a fly on the wall. I'm not a funny voice guy either, much to my players' chagrin as a DM, but many of the cast were. The MVP of funny voices has to go to Hieronymus for his coke-sniff afflicted German middle manager Fehrlinger. In a sea of fake German accents, his stood out.
We generated PCs using basic Traveller character generation rules and I came up with a drafted Marine that got bounced after his second term. Joshinyu provided everyone with hooks, allies, enemies, and goals. Here were mine, verbatim:
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| LCpl Sneed's Warface |
PC: Danson Sneed - Brigadine
LCpl 5A7A69 Age 26, 2 terms, Cr5000
Cutlass-2, Auto Rifle-1
Background:
You have been asked by an envoy of Count Pitino. He is concerned about the safety of miners on the station and wants you to help resolve the situation with the dead miners. Count Pitino also has a Scout Services asset aboard the space station named Dr Deleon. Dr Deleon (Dunder Moose) has another mission, but if you help return him escape the station safely Count Pitino will be grateful. If Dr Deleon willingly harms any innocents, then you are no longer required to protect him. Sources have told us that the Golden Spore is somewhere on URF station. The Golden Spore is so rare and of such value it could fund a small fleet or private army. Should you find a way to secure it, the Count will help arrange the sale of the Golden Spore and only keep a modest broker fee. The rest is yours to split up as you see fit.
Goals:
Help the Marshal solve the mystery of the dead miners.
Protect Dr Deleon and get him to Count Pitino safely
Secure the Golden Spore. Escape with it.
I figured the most active I could be was going to be helping the Marshal (Snufkin). Dr. Deleon (DunderMoose, guess I drew the short straw) wasn't even in the game yet so I couldn't interact with him and the Spore would have to be located to secure and escape with.
I spent some time in the Casino where I came in just after the two Barons had offended one another and were beginning to duel in the calmest, most civilized way possible. I bounced so as not to get caught up in it. I introduced myself to the Marshal and was quickly accepted as an ally. We collected a couple of the many "doctors" on board and headed to the Med Bay to autopsy the dead miners. I didn't trust anyone in that room beside the Marshal. Vibe was all wrong but he decided to leave them to it and we bounced. He went to check on other things and I went back to the Casino.
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| The Marshal |
Baron von Weltraumfelsner (VinceMcMaximus) had bested the other 'un Baron Azaran Kane (Matt Tapp) and collected a fancy blade, to which Baron Kane replied, "Eh it's daddy's money anyway" while he bled stoically. Much laughter, especially since Tapp was wearing an actual space suit or NASA colored pajamas or something on cam. I went back to Med Bay, overheard some more bullshit, and suggested someone maybe tend to the bleeding aristocrat. One of them went to do just that, I forget who maybe the other Kane (Merinus I think? Listen there were 20 of us I can't remember everyone).
Dr. Deleon arrived and apparently had some hooks with others as several of us joined him in the Docking Bay. I passed Guy Vickers (RaptorJesus) in the hallway and had a short chat. He has a reputation as a chaotic (Chaotic?) xfactor in these games but Vickers seemed an alright enough vet like myself. He was simply on vacation for White Boy Summer, a totally plausible cover for some kind of shenanigans. I suggested he head to the Casino where Barons were stabbing each other and off he went. Raptor had a great green screen effect for his cam that had a cartoonish space helmet matching his pepe meme and we shared a good laugh over that.
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| Guy Vickers, White Boy Summer Seeker |
Josh had made it clear that the space station was roughly circular and to travel you had to pass through each room, represented as a Discord voice chat, to get to the next. This would keep folks from jumping around (theoretically, it mostly worked. Some didn't understand or just ignored the restriction) and cause more interaction as you passed. This would be important a million times I'm sure, but a few times for me specifically.
Anyway, I told Deleon I had his back while he did his thing, unless he acted out then gloves were off so keep his nose clean. The Inquisitor Mux (Rdubs), a bonafide 40k Inquisitor, was there too and wanted some time with Deleon so I left them to it, mostly to get away from the Inquisition. I intended to meet back up with the Marshal but while doing the circuit down to Engineering I came across Lt. Hootonius (HootOwl) red-handed breaking into the weapons lockers in the Marshal's office.
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| Inquisitor Mux |
Despite my nature, instinct, and reputation as the fun police, I thought it would be funny to buy his clearly bullshit story delivered in his goofy German accent and let him off with a finger waggling. He begged me to keep it between us and I agreed. I kept that promise til death.
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| Lt. Hootonius |
Well, we had a problem and a clear security risk in the Marshal's office lockers where everyone's confiscated firearms were stored. So I guess I'd stay put and wait for the Marshal to pass by which thankfully he soon did. I explained the situation and convinced him to deputize me, earning my assault rifle and a little peace of mind. I told him I'd guard the office until we could make some headway on the investigation and he agreed. I posted up with a clear line on the door.
It felt like an hour went by but it was probably more like 10 or 15 minutes. I was pacing, drinking bourbon, and doing pull-ups, wondering if I had played myself into a night of boredom, when I heard the Discord dings of folks joining the channel so I moseyed back to the PC.
I see it's Fehrlinger and Hootonius and hear "I'm gonna give you one chance" in that hilarious German accent which I interrupted to tell them that I was shooting them both in the face. "Why did you SAY anything?!" says Hoot as we all laughed. Traveller combat is smooth, just apply mods to the scenario and roll them bones. I thought I was gonna have to gun one down then weather a melee with the other, but Hoot found a rule where there was spillover fire for autorifles or something. After some mods and more laughter, both were down. With no back up, no idea of the greater situation, and mostly out of spite for having spared Hoot the first time just to be betrayed, I plugged them both again for good measure. And then Fehrlinger got a DM from a co-conspirator to plant some drugs on Kane, of which there were two, which in a fit of elite play he shared with me as "overheard from the communicator."
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| Herr Fehrlinger, Space Station Manager |
The timing could not have been better for me and worse for him. I confirmed that I could identify the voice and immediately left to act on it. I conscripted Vickers from the Casino, again on a whim and against my instincts to avoid xfactors, and we dropped in on Nekro's Dr. Fearthing and arrested him to much protest but no resistance. Deleon and the Inquisitor were both there in the Research Lab with another of the "doctors", I think Kane again.
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| Reginald Fearthing, "PhD" |
Apparently, they had truth-serumed Fearthing already and were satisfied because Nekro adeptly talked around their questions. I didn't know the full story there and really just stormed in with a rifle and demanded Fearthing's surrender. Vickers "confiscated" his taser when we turned out his pockets while the "doctors" jumped at a sample of some drug or something. Deleon ended up synthesizing what would end up being a big deal as the AffinityTwin but to my crayon-eater looked like some heinous biological weapon. "Wow that's horrifying. Destroy it. Now."
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| PSA from your friends at The Inquisition |
The Inquisitor wouldn't go near it, which made me suspect him even more and vow to stay clear as any good Guardsman would, and neither would Kane. Eventually Moose called me the fun police and torched it in the incinerator. This apparently had something to do with a few of their goals, thus the reluctance I guess. I still don't really understand most of what happened after this point.
Some ship showed up, the Free Trader Ferigno, and was trying to dock. The Marshal had returned from an away party to investigate it. J's jive talking shipowner Ricks had a ship docked, too. Marshal said the Ferigno couldn't dock, there was some drama or something, and a buncha folks ran off. Those remaining searched around the Cargo Bay and found a face-hugger in cryo. It leapt out and I gunned it down, but its blood ate through the hull. We had a little time to react but the rest of the crew lost their bloody minds and ran out like their hair was on fire. I left and sealed the door while everyone on board fled to the Ferigno or escape boats. Inquisitor Mux had stolen Ricks' ship.
At this point I was lost but on track for at least some of my goals. If the Spore was on the station I could search it out. I was pretty sure Fehrlinger and/or Fearthing were killing the miners. Deleon had abandoned my protection despite telling him to relax, nothing to be done there. Turns out Baron von Weltraumfelsner and the Marshal had stayed on board. The Baron turned over all kinds of information, evidence, and the like regarding the miners and the tests being done on them and wanted only control of the station as payment. Marshal relented since the Baron Kane, who he had already given control, had fled like a coward. We all shook hands.
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| Baron von Weltraumfelsner |
Some uncomfortable radio chatter was exchanged between the station and the Ferigno. Apparently, there was some xenos danger aboard. Oh man, so anyway. They also had the Spore allegedly. Well, that changed things. We offered to jettison their weapons in a cargo crate to be picked up if they did the same with the Spore, but in no way was anyone setting foot on the station. They declined and tried to spacewalk it over, which we turned away. Then Deleon tried to ram us with a lifeboat, which we blew up with the station's turrets.
Josh called it here. We jumped the station out of there but in hindsight should have destroyed the Ferigno. Unfortunately, we didn't know the real danger aboard. I keep getting compared to Earl Dumarest in these things, which I'll take. I was not betrayed or even killed by DunderMoose so I'm not sure this was a real Stein. I had fun with the individual goals and how well they were set up for us to play off of. I appreciate the invitation and there will definitely not be any problems for this Sector going forward.
I report from Fairwind Isle, where we toil to copy biological information from the library here. Knight Captain Dawes should be well-pleased to learn of our expansion into the wilderness west of Bonevale.
I recently distanced myself from the Holy Rollers and left them in the care of Fr. Cassian due to the unpleasantness around the burglary. I have prayed with the Father and found a path to forgiveness. Their efforts, while misguided, were taken from a good place. It still makes me angry but with time we should be able to continue our efforts to tame this wilderness together.
They reported some exploration taken on behalf of expanding the domain where they discovered pegasi and some intelligent tree. We departed to convince these creatures that it was in their best interests to work with us or move on. I had no desire to destroy them but we were settling that land one way or another.
We spent some time gathering potions to communicate with the creatures then headed out. Zimon had also procured some peppermints for the pegasi from Whole Foods, despite my disapproval of patronizing that clearly Chaotic establishment. The pegasi were willing to cohabitate as long as we did not bother their colts and fed them peppermints. Easy. The tree, I cannot pronounce its name or what it called its kind, agreed to exchange its cultivated bee honey for fertilizer and a peaceful grove. Easy. We planted our flag and carried on to the north.
After confirming no further threats remained to settlers, we collected some magic goo allegedly used for potion making and planted our flag there, too. We quickly doubled our territory and began planning a new coastal fortification to improve our trade.
An request had been made recently to rescue a scholar from captivity in the Sea Princes, coincidentally around the area where we had earned some renown for our heroism. We thought to investigate and see what could be done about it. The travel by sea was complicated a few times, but our captain was a stalwart example of his profession and got us to Fairwind in one piece.
Our experience on Fairwind was always an exercise in restraint as we were beset by injustice and corruption on every corner. For some reason, the rest of the party looked at me as though I would strike out at every petty criminal with my blade. I was certainly troubled by the culture we found ourselves in, one built on the backs of slaves and the cruelty necessary to maintain order, but I was also certain that I could not solve every problem in every land, particularly one without resources to support me. We were "behind enemy lines", so to speak.
Our regular inn and tavern welcomed us as heroes and Zimon got to work tracking down the scholar's missing texts while we sought to learn more about the scholar himself. It turned out he had been sold to a fighting ring run by a Mr. Candie, some aristocrat-coded arena boss, in order to run his books and was quite valuable. We witnessed a few fights, brutal affairs the details of which I shall not repeat and have confirmed all the worst things thought about the Sea Princes. Candie is a foul creature, deserving of any misfortune that comes his way.
Zimon tracked the texts to a local library owned by the Prince of Fairwind. When we were finally able to get an audience, we renewed our diplomatically friendly acquaintance with the ruler and got permission to copy the texts which we began immediately. Unfortunately, the Prince saw Candie as a valuable asset to the island. Diplomacy is a delicate and distasteful practice, where one must smile and nod and shake the hands of a man that in other circumstances would find himself holding the wrong end of your blade. We navigated that scenario as well as could be expected and found ourselves waiting on our scribes to finish their work.
The scholar is still a captive and I pray for the wisdom to find a way to set him free.
Knight Paladin Percival
Lord of Horizon
Fairwind Isle
Raylan: Excellent. Tracked, pointman, bold
Kirk: Excellent. Sought justice, honored the gods, combat medic.
Cathbad: Excellent. Engaged with what naturey stuff there was.
Gunnbjorn: Excellent. Bold, front line, led his men
Broderick: Excellent. Sought justice, honored the gods, bold
Ojisan: Excellent. Effective use of spells
Ormr: Excellent. Bold, front line
Lars: Excellent. Misunderstood benefactor, wrongly imprisoned. (no calculation in XP, missed delve while locked in the stocks)
Volnir the Skald's retelling around the crackling fire at a nameless drinking hole in Horizon:
It is our duty to honor the gods. I revere the Lawful pantheon, as all men should, and avoid the others, as wise men should. Only a fool antagonizes any of the gods without the power to back it up. So anyway, I joined the Holy Rollers as they sought to investigate The Order of the Enchanted Liopleurodon, a cult of liberal arts majors with pool noodles on their heads and strange notions of how much a mythical dinosaur cares about their devotions.
It was good fortune that brought us together. I was curious about this cult and encountered Fr. Cassian, Zimon, and June at the same festival. The solstice is a holy time for many of the gods, our blessed Pelor chief among them, and apparently this cult was aping that same behavior. One might consider it offensive to draw attention away from the true gods on the holiest of days, but I will leave that consideration to the holy men.
The veteran adventurers seemed convinced of the cult's evil nature, implying child abduction and worse, based on their experience with the Candy Mountain atrocity. Despite many attempts to uncover some hidden plot or machinations, they were eventually forced to admit that while goofy and misguided, the cult did not seem to display any overtly Chaotic tendencies. The most evil parts of the event were the unnatural performances the ensorcelled aquatic creatures were forced to give and the brainwashing of Zimon's hirelings that caused them to mutilate themselves in their fervor.
Fr. Cassian was disapproving enough for everyone and declared the cult anathema to his doctrine. I stuck by him as we left so as not to catch a stray excommunication. Zimon, on the other hand, swam out to speak with the magical dinosaur. Now, one does not simply call a hero of Zimon's stature a liar, so I listened with interest as he recounted that the creature did not seem to care about the cult's activities, held no interest in Law vs. Chaos, and indeed claimed to predate such things which of course is false as what could predate the Cosmic War? It was a wild tale nonetheless and I will learn from Zimon's flair for the theatrical.
Equipped with free merchandise like shirts and a foam octopus tentacle that June was waving energetically around, we set out to destroy evil. Now this is what I was hoping to witness, the famous party clashing against the wilds and imposing civilization on land lost to time. The hero Percival was not in attendance but I was assured that he was simply tending to matters of state as Lord of Horizon. What a great Lord we have here in Horizon, eh folks? Just the best.
Zimon on his fabled steed Springer scouted overhead, the horse's hooves clopping through the air as though on cobblestones. I hustled along in the wake of the mounted party, even their lowliest henchman on a steed of the finest birth. Oh, wait, no. I was now their lowliest henchman. But fret not, my time to display my value was at hand and I would earn my keep. And a horse!
Corpses, animated by foul magicks and stinking of the grave, sprang from the bushes nearby and attacked. Our first blows and arrows had no effect, their flesh protected from such mundane efforts, but Fr. Cassian employed a power above such petty concerns. With a bellowed command, half of the monsters' force fled, unable to withstand Pelor's holy light.
With my incredibly accurate crossbow fire rendered useless by their heinous unnature, I drew June's magical short sword from her belt and charged, joining the melee and striking down first one then another of the wights. Zimon and the rest made quick work of the rest and I returned the borrowed blade with shaking hands. I was truly a member of the party now, tested in combat and shamed only by the plainness of my armament.
The fantastic nature of adventure would rear its head repeatedly, our next encounter that of an aerie of the fabled Pegasus, beautiful, winged horses, majestic and exemplifying Law. The party's standard practice of destroying everything in their path was unacceptable here, and Fr. Cassian suggested we leave the creatures until we had the means to communicate with them. What wonders of the world, when you can speak with magic horses?
We camped beneath the branches of a massive tree, serene and tranquil under its canopy, and came to believe that it too was a fantastic creature of the woodlands. Again, Fr. Cassian kept us from anything rash and suggested we find a way to communicate with it at a later date.
Our continued travels brought us to an elven monastery, their strange symbolic script written over many of the walls and columns within. It was a formidable structure at one point, beautiful and impressive, but had fallen into such ruin as to be lost. My eyes could not have seen Fr. Cassian lick the wall thick with verdigris, that would simply be beneath one of such stature, but however it happened a magical secret door was revealed by a glistening, glowing outline on a nearby wall. I volunteered to strike a torch and descend the stairs beyond, discovering a storeroom of rusted and rotted remains of weapons, provisions, and the like. Tucked away in the debris was a shining steel and silver mace. I recovered it and passed it off to Fr. Cassian.
We left the monastery behind and headed for home. The field of floating blossoms nearby was declared a valuable magical component so we spent some time gathering as much of them as we could. I struggled to keep pace with the mounted group and hoped that my share of whatever we could get for the blossoms at market would get me a horse and a massage for my aching back.
And that's where you find me, friends, here with you now in our holy home. For another drink, I'll tell you of the wonders of...
Grading: Broderick: Excellent, bold, just, austere Gunnbjorn: Excellent, bold, direct, mapping Kirk: Excellent, bold, spells, mapping Ojis...
